Today we sang "love at home" in church and it got me thinking about my life. I have always loved loved kids. I was the best babysitter and dreamed of the day I would have kids of my own. I have looked forward to this stage in my life since I was a little girl. I don't mean to brag but I always thought I would be a good mom I had all these plans about how my life would be and how my family and home would run. I thought I would be loving and patient almost all the time. I thought that with job charts and teaching a good work ethic I would have a clean house. I thought I would be so devoted to family home evening and teaching the scriptures that my kids would be so smart and ready to be missionaries. Family dinner would be a nice bonding time and a creater of great childhood memories. To make a long story short I wish I was half the mom and house wife I thought I would be. My house is a few steps short of a dissaster most the time. I struggle to get my kids to pay attention during family home evening. I can not get them to stop fighting with each other. Family dinner is usually run by reminders to stay in their chair, use their fork, chew with their mouth closed. Contention seems to always be creeping and lurking.
I have a firm testimony that our heavenly father wants us to be in a family and that we are to raise these little ones to return to him and make good choices. I know I am doing WHAT he want me to do (have a family and kids) but man I sure don't know HOW to do it. I am trying my best but I feel like a failure.
I am mostly sending this out into the void to vent my frustration. But also if any of you great moms out there have advise of what works in your house and with your kids please share. I know that these kids are the most important thing I will ever do in this life and I want to do it right. I want to have "love at home" :) but instead I feel "contention at home" more often than I want.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Hi Katie,
I just wanted you to know that I could have written everything you just wrote about my family too. I think it is just important to remind ourselves that we are all in the same boat. I think so much of it has to do with the expectations we place on ourselves. I heard once that frustration is just unmet expectations so we need to lower our expectations. My mom says if the girls are getting along 5 minutes during the day then I am doing good. In so many ways that is true and it can be applied to all our frustrations of not being good enough. I try to tell myself that it will be the good times we remember anyway and that there are blessing for obedience and having the desire to do better everyday. We are all there with you. We are in the trenches of parenthood.
Hi Katie, I'm going to have to agree with Jenni. I was just like that Katie. I had always wanted to be a mom...ever since I was a child. It was the one thing I wanted to do in my life and now that I'm here it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But the beauty of that is...we all feel the same way! I have not ever me one mom (and I know a lot of moms) who doesn't struggle with the same issues. Having a marriage (which in it's self is hard), then having kids and a house and this and that we are "supposed" to do, is HARD! Plan and simple. I agree with Jenni when she said "I think so much of it has to do with the expectations we place on ourselves". SO TRUE! We do the best we can that that should be good enough. hang in there...you are NOT alone!
Every mom feels the exact same way Katie. Those who say they don't are probably lying. You just take it day by day and sometimes all I can say at the end of the day (about the house and all the bad things that happened) is that I am glad there is another day to try again. My mother in law has this quote up in her house "dull women have immaculate houses" I always think that is funny. You are building cathedrals and when they are done they will be maginificent because of you and Austin.
I'm sorry you're so frustrated! It's funny how we build things up in our minds to what we think it should be, but then reality hits and we realize there are loads and loads of laundry, the toothpaste Madi spilled is still in the sink, the kids toys are ALLLL over the place, I could go on and on!!! I've had to remind myself that it's okay to have a less than perfect house.. As far as FHE, we too have to remind Madi to sit still and our lessons usually last about 5 minutes.. We have "Family Home Five Minutes"... We can't do the whole evening thing.. I've always admired you Katie and your sweet special spirit! You ARE a great Mom! Your two boys are so lucky to have you. I remember when we were at USU together you just yearned to have a child! You are doing a great job, don't be too hard on yourself.. Just keep doing what the prophet has counseled you to do and everything will be okay!! Miss you! You're wonderful!
Katie Ann- You ARE a great mom! It's just that being a mom is so much harder than we could have ever imagined. The best we can do is get up each day and try to be the best Moms we can and then not be too hard on ourselves when things get crazy and don't go how we planned. You're doing a great job with your boys. They will be so thankful some day for all that you've taught them and for you great example! Love ya!
Post a Comment